TODAY, I celebrate a milestone in my blessed life. I am halfway there…
I took off from work for a long personal weekend to map out where I had been, where I am now, and where I am going in the next course.
As we do our usual daily grind in life, we only know time has been passing us by when we look at the kids. My eldest son is now a lawyer. My eldest daughter is newly married.
And just when I thought I can now relax having raised two adults, my baby girl and baby boy have officially entered the trying teenage years.
One of my favorite books, which I have been reading all my adult life, is Passages. Author Gail Sheehy plots the predictable crises of adult life, and gives research-based insights on the inevitable passages we experience, as we live our twenties, thirties, forties and beyond.
I have found every chapter in Sheehy’s book so true, real and fascinating:
“Trying 20s: Leaving behind the safety of home, we begin trying on life’s uniforms and possible partners in search of the perfect fit.”
“Catch 30s: Illusions are shaken, and now is the time to make, break, or deepen life commitments.”
“Forlorn 40s: These are turbulent years in which the dreams of youth demand reassessment. Men and women fall out of sync, sexual panic may emerge, and yet the greatest opportunity for self-discovery awaits.”
“Refreshed (or resigned) 50s: Here is the best of life for those who release old roles and find a renewal of purpose.”
In mid-life, we ask ourselves, “Where have all the years gone by?”
Many of us may be in denial, but the truth is, our body sends us signals that we, oftentimes, refuse to heed.
Our hormones surge weirdly again — like during our teenage years, but produce different effects on our bodies. We get tired more easily, gain more weight despite diet and exercise, get easily irritated than before, find difficulty having a good night’s sleep — no matter how tired we may be, and our body systems do not function as seamlessly as they used to.
We look at our face in the mirror, and we see the image of our mother or father looking at us. We see the lines and the wrinkles, the bulges in the wrong places, the pull of gravity on what used to be firm and taut bodies.
Some find less passion and excitement in things that used to consume us in our younger years: the rat race to the top, the night life, the great outdoors adventure, wild sex life, etc.
In mid-life, we suddenly feel a sense of urgency as we approach deadlines. Have we accomplished the goals we have set for ourselves when we were younger? Do we still have the time to make our dreams come true? Have we started building on our legacy?
Different folks have different strokes in confronting the mid-life crisis.
Some relentlessly seek the fountain of youth through botox, cosmetic surgery, hours in the gym, all sorts of diet, etc.
Others dress up like their twenty-something kids and still party like crazy. There are those who have affairs with younger men or women, refusing to grow old with their spouses.
The thought of nearing the retirement years also make many people in mid-life panic, especially during these tough economic times. Have they saved enough for retirement? What will happen to their unpaid financial obligations when they have to stop working? Will their kids take care of them when they get sick? Will they be homeless and hungry?
Mid-life crisis also causes depression in many people. As they feel the finish line getting closer, there are those who just want to detour and follow the path they have always wanted to traverse, held up by obligation to family and society.
There are a few, who tragically back out and do not finish the race.
But for many, being halfway there is a good time in one’s life to stop, even for just a while, and look back to all the years that have gone by.
It is the perfect time to remember all the dreams we have built and the struggles we faced to make all our dreams come true.
It is the fitting moment to recall how insurmountable so many problems seemed, and yet we all came out triumphant against so many adversities in life.
It is during this time, as we look at the decades of our life from a virtual distance, that we see how God has written so many straight in crooked lines.
We realize how He has answered so many of our prayers in so many ways. At times, He had to say NO because He had something better planned for us, and only time would reveal His infinite wisdom in leading us to the right path.
We appreciate all the men and women who have helped us every step of the way, and through their lives and their love, we saw the face of God.
This is where I am right now. Moving on to the next half, my heart is overflowing with gratitude, faith and hope. I look forward to the time that is left for me as my opportunity to define or renew my purpose in life, and to be ready whenever my Creator calls me back home.
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Gel Santos Relos is the anchor of TFC’s “Balitang America.” Views and opinions expressed by the author in this column are are solely those of the author and not of Asian Journal and ABS-CBN-TFC. For comments, go to www.TheFil-AmPerspective.com, https://www.facebook.com/Gel.Santos.Relos
