(Part III of III)
THERE will always be a negative person around you all the time. One can never get away nor hide from these walking emotional bombs.
I guide a lot of people every day and cannot help but be exposed to a lot of negativity. I, too, have my own share of negative experiences and feelings. I also get angry, depressed or frustrated about so many things and rant about some issues that can sometimes feel helpless.
But that doesn’t mean you are a negative person. One has the right to feel and express feelings when s/he is confronted with bad and frustrating situations. Being negative sets in when something has become repetitive and prolonged or if the person chooses to wallow in that emotion for a long time.
Let us look into real cases of people I guide. The names of people and other facts have been altered but for purposes of picking up lessons and learning from them, we shall discuss them.
Businessman Aris is engaged in a lot of endeavors in the manufacturing field. He has a lot of businesses from Metro Manila to the South of the Philippines. He also has business with China, Singapore and Taiwan.
Aris is a very hardworking fella who started doing business early in life. He never finished a college degree but his experience and drive brought him to where he is right now: a multi-millionaire.
On the surface, Aris seems to be a happy and outgoing type of person. He is ready to smile anytime to anyone and is an engaging conversationalist. His PR is superb and people are naturally drawn to him. He seems to be relaxed and in charge of his life. And so it seems.
On the contrary, Aris is very uptight and fidgety on his own turf. His employees fear his presence and temper. He was an emotional time bomb walking the businessman’s tightrope.
Having an obsessive/compulsive behavior, he would start asking people about stocks and inventory even if he had people assigned to do the task. When he wants to find some items, he would badger them with questions as if some stocks are stolen when in fact, they were disbursed with papers. He looked into the most minute of details and had no trust in his workers. Aris was micromanaging and wasting time.
He expected too much from people, often comparing them to himself. He gave sarcastic remarks that belittled his people. His temper was uncontrollable and “fireworks” were always present during meetings. His normal day in the office would start with a meeting, calling everyone into his lair and bombard them with his daily mouthfuls. Nothing was achieved much during these meetings but Aris believed he had the ultimate right to do so because he was paying them good wages. Again, Aris was wasting time that could have been positively devoted to output.
Soon, people began leaving him. One by one they went AWOL. People felt uncomfortable and the discontentment brewed. One even said that Aris made them feel as if he was stealing some stocks. Another said that the boss was too much preoccupied with trivial matters than the running of the business itself. Is this typical of a boss? It wasn’t because Aris would be too obsessive about a certain issue and would make decisions compulsively. He was firing people left and right.
He came to my office for a reading and immediately I saw the reds in his aura. Aris had so many hang-ups and childhood trauma. He was distrustful of everything and anything. He also contradicted himself most of the time. Simply put, he had no focus and wanted to rush things all the time.
I told him, “Aris, simply breathe. Sit still and listen to that inner voice.” We started with learning how to breathe and slow down.
During the early part of our consultations, I noticed his health aura was not good. His health was also failing on him even if he was just in his late 30s. I warned him about an impending health problem and true enough in less than a few days, he was hospitalized for an emergency heart procedure. His body was showing signs of stress at a young age coupled with the fact that he smoked too much. The danger signs were so alarming that it manifested in the aura.
I had to look into his childhood and past experiences to determine why he was exhibiting a lot of impatience in the present. His attention span was so short and that he fidgeted too much. He had an attention deficit disorder and experienced a lot of anxiety attacks. The negative behavior rooted from a lot of negativity in the past from family and relationship.
Working with Aris was a slow process of listening, encouragement and spiritual upliftment. It wasn’t easy to guide a person so full of himself and who does not acknowledge his temper. I nearly gave up because he wasn’t really listening at all but then I took another way in guiding him.
I brought him closer to God. I prayed to God that He be the one to touch Aris’ life. One day something happened and scared the life out of him. He nearly died in that car accident. In a snap, his outlook changed. And he had a realization.
Eventually, his business decisions now became more relaxed and guided. He became more forgiving and tolerant of certain situations. A lot of things improved and opportunities came in his life. Instead of deteriorating, he grew and improved.
He is still a work in progress but Aris is getting there. And there are several lessons to learn from his story.
First, one doesn’t simply have the right to accost people just because they are being paid high. People are not robots. They have feelings. Encourage not discourage. Lift them up when they fall. Treat people with respect. Try to approach them with calmness, dignity and concern even if they have made mistakes.
Second, as a boss, don’t micromanage when you’ve already hired people for certain jobs. Encourage people to bring out the best in them. Lay out your rules and give them space and liberty to undertake their jobs without spoonfeeding them. What is important is the outcome and not the way you want them to do it. Different folks have different approaches. All you have to do is set the standards of the company and let them be. Micromanaging simply means that you don’t believe your employees can do it. So then why hire them?
Third, one always has the choice in life. Let people make their choices freely. If confronted with a negative situation, one has the right to simply walk away from it. In this case, people left the negative work environment and the boss. It is their choice to free themselves from situations that do not bring the best in them. Those employees who have left felt they were not growing.
Fourth, there will always be a negative person around anywhere, anytime. Learn to navigate around negative situations. Walk away from a heated argument or a nasty exchange of words. It is not worth the energy of trying to douse fire with fire. A closed mind will always think he is not at fault and would easily point fingers at everyone. A negative person will never accept defeat but instead will be hostile all along. He will never accept what you think nor care what you feel.
Fifth, money cannot buy everything. Money cannot buy people, loyalty or life.
Lastly, anything is possible with God by your side. He can touch people’s lives in unimaginable ways. That is why one should never wait for a drastic lesson from God. Change while there is still time. You’ll never know what God will send your way.
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Stargazer is a life coach, aura reader, psychic/clairvoyant, and lecturer on the paranormal. She uses the aura, energies & vibrations as focal points of her psychic readings. Using several techniques involving the psychological, spiritual, paranormal and her own experience of the intricacies of life, Stargazer makes one get in touch with his inner and understand life in a positive manner. Faith in God and belief in self is what Stargazer emphasizes on. Currently, Stargazer is a radio anchor of DZMM Teleradyo, the radio arm of ABS-CBN. Her show “Pinoy Vibes” has been airing every Sunday morning since Sept. 2007. She can be reached at [email protected]. For more information, please visit http://stargazer.ph/.
