By: Lou Marie Reyes
IT is generally taboo to talk about domestic violence within the Filipino community due to certain values and norms that may shape our perceptions about relationships and domestic violence. Victims may stay silent as a result and remain in unhealthy and abusive relationships.
Our goal through this week’s column is to help readers identify different forms of abuse, legal rights, and options and resources if someone needs help. Keep in mind that the information below is not a substitute for legal advice. For advice about your individual situation, you should consult with an experienced, trustworthy family law attorney.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is abuse between people who know each other or in a relationship, such as between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, gay and lesbian partners, both former and current, and even parents and children. It happens when one person, the “abuser,” uses fear and intimidation to control the other person. The fear can be caused by actual abuse or threats of abuse.
Abuse can happen in many forms. Here are some examples:
Physical abuse is when the abuser hurts you physically in some way, such as by beating, burning, hitting, pushing, throwing objects at you, or pulling your hair.
Verbal abuse happens when the abuser makes you feel bad about yourself through words. Examples include calling you stupid, fat, a whore, or ugly.
Emotional abuse occurs when the abuser tries to control you by making you feel afraid and powerless. This includes threats to hurt or kill you or your family and/or friends, or stalking you by following you. It also includes property damage and control such as when the abuser hides, destroys or damages your personal belongings.
Isolation happens when the abuser limits or prevents you from seeing your family and friends. The abuser may become jealous when you talk to other people or falsely accuse you of having an affair.
Financial abuse occurs when the abuser controls all of the finances including access to bank accounts, and credit and debit cards. Sometimes the abuser will not allow you to work in order to keep you dependent on them.
Neglect happens when the abuser refuses to provide you with basic needs such as food, clothing, and medical care. At the same time, the abuser controls the finances, so you are entirely dependent on him.
Sexual abuse is when the abuser forces you to have sex or perform sexual acts when you don’t want to. This can be through physical force or threats of violence. Even if you are in a dating relationship or married to the abuser, an unwanted sexual act is a rape.
Immigration threats such as threats to call immigration and have you deported if you do not what the abuser says is another form of abuse. The abuser may refuse to help you file for legal status or threaten to withdraw an immigration petition already filed for you. Some abusers threaten to take away your children by having you deported. Abusers will often lie about the immigration process and keep information from you.
What should I do if I am being abused?
You are not alone. It is not your fault. Your first priority is your safety and the safety of your children.
Call the police. If you are in immediate danger, you can call the police by dialing 911. The police may be able to arrest the abuser, give you an emergency restraining order, and give you other information specifically for victims of domestic violence. If you do not speak English, the 911 operators will provide you with interpreters. When the police arrive, they will also have interpretation services available to you.
Find a safe place to stay. This may be with a friend or relative, or you may be able to stay at a domestic violence shelter temporarily. Shelters can provide housing, food, and counseling and legal services.
Get counseling and legal assistance. It is important for you and your children to deal with the emotional trauma of domestic violence. Many domestic violence shelters provide counseling even if you are not staying at the shelter. You should also talk to a lawyer right away to find out your legal rights and options.
Get medical treatment. If you are physically injured due to domestic violence, make sure you see a doctor or go to the emergency room for treatment as soon as possible. Emergency rooms will not turn you away if you don’t have medical insurance or are undocumented. Keep a copy of your medical records and receipts.
What are my legal options?
Even if you are undocumented, you have many of the same family law rights as people who are documented. For example, you can ask for a divorce, child custody, and child support. You can also file for a restraining order, which is a legal paper that says your abuser cannot contact or come near you. In addition, there are several ways that a domestic violence victim can legalize her immigration status without involving the abuser. You should consult an attorney about all of these options.
If you have questions about your situation or need legal assistance, please contact Advancing Justice – L.A’s Tagalog helpline at 855-300-2552.
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Lou Marie Reyes is a community legal advocate at Asian Americans Advancing Justice – Los Angeles. She joined the organization in February 2018 and staffs the Tagalog helpline, which prioritizes in-language assistance to the local Filipino community. Ms. Reyes works alongside Advancing Justice – LA’s attorneys that specialize in family law, domestic violence, citizenship and immigration, and employment law.
