Out for a night from our ink-stained asylum, a college of crankers and museum of misfits with huge egos and even larger insecurities, herds of highly-educated dinosaurs planned a deliciously sharp and hilarious cooking as a farewell gesture for Deputy Consulate General Dan Espiritu.
The night was a perfect metaphor time was a plateau for these: cocksure creatures, whose impertinent curiosity like a bridegroom eagerness.
At Kapistahan on Temple St. last Wednesday, guests were ladies and gentlemen (and those in between): media favorite Senator Leland Lee, Knights of Rizal, full-pledged members of the free and accepted masons, editors, artists, performers, a violinist who forgot his violin and Arnel the Magician — the Circus has arrived.
The highlight was the roast, with the diplomatic prey laying his body on the railroad track, waiting for hurled thunderbolts, snippets, slings and arrows, and every kind of torture.
The troika of cocksure creatures were seated smugly like they were perfectly normal, each with a sackful of degression confessions, irreverence and verbal diatribes, which could suck out the oxygen out of a room.
Introducing each one of them was as easy as a sneeze.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present, The Roastees!
Bernardo Bernardo: Quick and verbal, irreverent and audacious; one conjures Gay Paree! Gay Caballero a nosegay..and of course, Enola Gay, who is frequently having troubles with his ovaries. Blasphemous, if not obscene, yet highly respected..oh, admirable but not lovable. He shrieked: “Why are you roasting me?” He reminded everyone that we covered Moses when he parted the Red Sea.
Ka Larry Pelayo: Witty but very malevolent, his stories carried days and nights with little marbles of misanthropy, with nary an attempt to get a balanced ration. He could be serious or vigorous, his pen perceived deadlier than Jack the Ripper or Captain Hook, passed by age and taste . In his world, no one is safe, no cow is sacred.
Bobby Reyes: Knowledgeable with mordant wit, inflammatory incitement to anger; the audience was banking on his irreverence. He believes that the bank in is mightier than the pen or the sword. Original, acid and wild. His hilarious, lively, breath-taking irreverent stories that move way too fast, never miss the opportunity to pruriently divulge what is true — making it hurtful.
He has this ridiculous fascination for other people’s tedious everyday lives. While the Pens and Lens of Atty. Alma Luna Reyes breathed all the trappings of the show, the roast was his brain child.
The Roast was a blind date with a satirical brazenness, which we hoped would hold up next to Twain, Oscar Wilde and Benchley.
Gentle reader, the performance of the threesome reminded us of shades of warnin in the lines of TS Elliot in The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Other Poems:
“I have seen the moment of greatness flicker, and I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat and snicker, and in short, I was afraid.”
The roast became a comedy of errors, where Bernardo Bernardo, the most dreaded tormentor, flirted. He merely interviewed the Deputy Consul General.
Bobby Reyes delivered a soliloquy of praise and worship.
Ka Larry delivered the grandest eulogy one could wish for.
The roast was a fantabulous, big production of a dud. The audience howled at this poignant reminder: a cruel world could still be a funny place to be in — with media men like us providing it.
The honoree, Deputy Consul General Dan Espiritu, couldn’t wipe the smile off his face all night!
If ever there’s anyone we have forgotten to insult, we’ll get you next time.
That night, our effort to fly in a little comedy (my first and my last) never got beyond the flutter of a turkey.
To these kindest three turkeys who provided the comedy, thank you for the unadulterated laughter.
‘Til next time around!
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E-mail Mylah at [email protected]
