IT HAS always been the case that every time I see my spiritual director, I end up becoming affirmed and beheld again. It is as if my spiritual director is God telling me, “Rodel, you are a special person. You have so many gifts. You are loved!”
You see, like many people, I don’t always see myself this way. I tend to be hard on myself, looking at my faults and my weaknesses rather than my abilities and my strengths. I don’t always see beauty in myself; I see the warts and all the crooked elements of my being. And so my spiritual director would always redirect me to a profound awareness of God’s perfect love and blessings for me, to see how he has created a wonderful Rodel!
I realize that this is the fundamental role of a spiritual director and anyone who tries to help us to grow spiritually. It is to allow us to see clearly God’s personal and unconditional love and to believe in our inner elegance.
More often, the culprit of a negative view of one’s self is the propensity to measure one’s self according to the standards of this world. The world tells us to be popular, powerful, and ambitious. It does not usually tell us to be content with one’s self, with how God has created us. It gives us high norms, usually externals, for being happy with one’s self. It does not always facilitate to find one’s inner beauty.
And so, a few days ago, when a fellow priest met me for moral support. I did this vital task of letting him rediscover how God loves him tenderly despite his mistakes. I encouraged him to look at his pure motives for becoming a priest and the personal gifts he brings to the Church.
The Scripture readings this Sunday convey this message of unconditional and personal love of God for each of us. In the Book of Samuel, David had forgotten his humble beginning and all the favors he received from God. He lusted, murdered and connived. Yet God forgave him completely. David realized his wretchedness and repented, and he became overwhelmed once again by God’s outright love for him.
In the Letter of Paul to the Galatians, Paul tells us that we’re justified not by works of the law but through our faith in Jesus Christ. In other words, what makes us worthy is not so much what we do but who we are before God. God loves us even before any accomplishment. Any good work that we do is a mere response to the grandiosity of his love for us.
In the Gospel of Luke, we find a woman copiously anointing Jesus’ feet with oil and kissing them with her tears. The woman, known to be a public sinner, was touched by Jesus’ acceptance of her and forgiveness. Her gesture was a reflection of her deep gratitude to Jesus.
In a few weeks, I will spend a retreat with my spiritual director, and I’m sure that the whole week will be a great rediscovery of how God has wonderfully created me and has blessed me with so much love and personal gifts – a fundamental truth which I often forget!
* * *
Reverend Rodel G. Balagtas attended St. John Seminary in Camarillo, California and earned his Doctor of Ministry in Preaching from Aquinas Institute of Theology in St. Louis, Missouri. For twenty years, he has been in the parish ministry of large multi-cultural communities. Since 2002, he has been the pastor of Immaculate Heart of Mary Church in Los Angeles. Please email Fr. Rodel at [email protected].
