A sad reality on being judgmental and unforgiving
A FRIEND of mine spoke to me about how people can be so judgmental and unforgiving. He was very sad about how things turned out for him. I felt really, really bad for Antonio, my friend.
Although the present society claims to accept the LGBTQIA group, many people still only have tolerance, but not a total acceptance of them.
Are people really by nature unforgiving and judgmental? My friend asked me with tears in his eyes. He now feels ganged up on and ostracized for a verbal misdeed. As he looked away with tears in his eyes, he told me about a conversation with a young male friend a year ago.
They talked a lot and his feelings toward this young man started to develop. Their closeness was that of deep fondness and real caring. Then one thing led to another until he did not know what came over him and the exchange of words became too personal. Until that fateful day in May of last year when he made that bold statement in a Facebook chat.
Yes, he made a mistake. He made a mistake by professing how he felt to this young man. It was a simple exchange of feelings through chat. Nothing ever happened physically. They were just words — words blown out of context. It may seem that those words were harmless, but the glaring truth remains. The young man was still a minor and his parents did not take it sitting down.
One thing led to another and a complaint was sent to the office where Antonio worked. With so much malice and ill intent to besmirk Antonio’s reputation, word spread around. Full of humiliation, Antonio resigned from the office he used to serve with so much enthusiasm.
Now he looked at me so helplessly and said, “I know it was wrong. I know I made a mistake. But did I deserve all the public disgrace? I was asked to resign from a job that I was good at. And up to now, people talked behind my back as if I was the dirtiest person ever.” He lowered his head and I felt his pain.
I cannot blame the parents for standing up for their son. Of course, if this happened to me, I would have done the same. But would I do it with such fervor that it seemed I wanted to destroy Antonio and pulverize his dignity? Maybe I would do it quite differently though. Or maybe it would be different if the tables are turned?
Antonio tried to move on by applying for other jobs. But then the stories would continue and haunted him so bad. At one point, an influential person wanted to hire him but changed her mind after someone revealed about the alleged “scandal”. It was very much heartbreaking.
So many questions ran inside my head. Could it have been different if a man and a young girl were involved instead? Would there be less humiliation? I do not know the answer. All I can feel is Antonio’s frustration. How can one move on when people have cast the stones of judgment and not give him a chance to stand up again? One cannot escape the ghost of a mistake haunting for a long time.
In exasperation, I shook my head and gagged at the thought of how hypocritical people can be. In this society (the Philippines), where corrupt officials get elected and the double standard of morality prevails, we can altogether be so mean and harsh with words against our neighbor because of a false sense of righteousness. Where so-called “sarado katolikos” could be so demeaning and be the best rumormongers. It applies in this case of Antonio.
I could only comfort Antonio by lifting his spirits. Yes, he was a good and hardworking professional. He did his best in performing his duties in the office. Beyond the resources available to him, he spent his own money just so he can finish his office projects well. But again the bad outweighed the good. Sad truth.
He must carry the lessons that presented itself though it must be so devastating. In short, he has no choice but to make a positive decision to move on. I comforted him and said, “Be strong Antonio. With humility, accept the repercussions and try to stand up!”
I also told him to make clarifications with people who matter. A lawyer would be of help in protecting his reputation. Where stories are woven, let them be subjected to the law. I advised him to get court clearances to prove that nothing was ever charged against him. He must consult the lawyer what legal means can be done to those who actively spread stories to destroy his reputation.
Amidst situations like these, one must force himself to stand up and move on. Yes, people can be demeaning but you must be able to acknowledge what has gone wrong. One mistake should not ruin your life but instead, challenge the very best of you to pick up the pieces of your shattered dignity.
While I was writing this article, I came across a Facebook post of another friend who was expressing his sadness over people making judgments over him. He said that no matter how numerous your good deeds are, not one will be remembered but your one lousy mistake.
I sent a private message and reached out to him. It seems like judging others is prevalent in this day and age. This Facebook friend told me that in his case, people who are the nobodies are the ones full of hypocrisy and jealousy.
And sad to say, their words are even sharper than the knife.
In the next article, we will tackle where all of this negativity comes from.
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Stargazer is a life coach, aura reader, psychic/clairvoyant, and lecturer on the paranormal. She uses the aura, energies & vibrations as focal points of her psychic readings. Using several techniques involving the psychological, spiritual, paranormal and her own experience of the intricacies of life, Stargazer makes one get in touch with his inner and understand life in a positive manner. Faith in God and belief in self is what Stargazer emphasizes on. Currently, Stargazer is a radio anchor of DZMM Teleradyo, the radio arm of ABS-CBN. Her show “Pinoy Vibes” has been airing every Sunday morning since Sept. 2007. She can be reached at [email protected] For more information, please visit http://stargazer.ph/.