Ariel & Jaden Aggabao: a father & son tandem defying all odds

IN the realm of our family-oriented society, mothers are generally recognized and more often given credit and ultimate importance than the father. No matter how involved and a good purveyor the father is, the mother still unconditionally gets most of the recognition.
It is evident even in terms of national celebration honoring their unprecedented stature in the family and society – Mother’s Day was first to be declared in a Joint Resolution on May 8, 1914 by then President Woodrow Wilson as advocated by Anna Davis as against the promulgation of a permanent national observance of Father’s Day every third Sunday of June in 1972 after being augustly campaigned by Sonora Louise Smart Dodd.
Fatherhood, in a broader aspect, confidently stands at par with its feminine counterpart and could effortlessly take the mother’s role while simultaneously providing the responsibilities expected of him.
In line with the global observance of Father’s Day it is but only fitting and proper to recognize and honor an impressive man who devotedly struggles and selflessly dedicates a remarkable amount of sacrifice and patience all for the love and support of his son.
Jesus Ariel Quiambao Aggabao, 46 and towering with arresting physical attributes and strong determination, lives a life full of resolute fearlessness, fortitude, and endurance. With the advent of modernization and industrialization, plus the defining vast responsibility bestowed on his shoulders, Ariel isn’t anymore the traditional married breadwinner and disciplinarian.
Born in Quezon City, Philippines and finished BS Education major in Mathematics and Physics from the University of the Philippines, Ariel abandoned a teaching career sans regret in lieu of an IT job at the Ayala Systems Technology, Inc. where he met his ladylove, Marissa Tiu, a co-employee.
Young and ambitious with a massive flow of schemes and dreams crowding his conscientious mind, Ariel opted to try his luck in the proverbial Land of Milk and Honey in 1994. His west coast entry unexpectedly assigned him in St. Louis, Missouri where he worked for a year as a fulltime IT consultant.
But after only six months of his US stint, Ariel returned home on December 1994 to marry his promised bride and flew back together the following year. The newly-weds settled in New Jersey (due to the proximity and accessibility to their New York city jobs) on Feb. 22, 1996 after being assigned in San Francisco and Atlanta, Georgia.
With strong earning potentials and mounting joint savings, in 1998 Ariel and Marissa bought their first house in Bergenfield only to finally consider building their own brand new dream nest in Oakland, New Jersey after three years when Ariel was with Pfizer as Business Analysis Manager and Marissa worked with an auditing firm in NYC.
It was one of the most fulfilling episodes of Ariel’s life…having had an upscale and fully furnished abode for his wife and soon-to-be kids. All they wanted was a baby who would fill the house’s every nook and cranny with boisterous cries and laughter to break their home’s deafening quiescence.
Time lapsed swiftly and the waiting slowly turned taxing. Enthusiasm built incessantly in the seemingly agonizing and aggravating situation of the long wait. A baby was just what the couple badly needed to complete the family picture and their marital status to be considered ideal.
After a failed expectancy the desperate and overly zealous couple had considered submitting to an In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) process …even went back to the Philippines and participated in Obando, Bulacan’s fertility dance as a devotion to Santa Clara (the Patroness of fertility) and then on a vigil to Our Lady of Manaoag (in Pangasinan).  Their final ditch of hope was to consider adoption but sadly, all attempts were futile.
His wife’s pregnancy was a celestial blessing of answered prayers coupled with infinite anticipation. The arrival of their baby, for a first time father like Ariel, would be the source of immeasurable joy, uncontained excitement, spurred self-fulfillment of masculinity, and a genuine fount of inundating pride and contentment.
As expected every single day took forever for the arrival of the stork. There were already near-concrete plans for the coming baby’s future. A fully furnished nursery room was being readied equipped with state-of-the-art new-born paraphernalia and voluminous pieces of expensive toys. An educational fund was started to guarantee the child’s future. Suffice it to say that everything was prematurely provided for while anticipation became almost unbearable.
Then, a morbid incident unexpectedly occurred. A whole day post Thanksgiving shopping spree and undetermined fatigue have caused Marissa’s early uterine contraction that caused her cervix to open untimely and involuntarily discharged a huge amount of fluid. Thinking she was just sort of in need of rest, she dismissed the idea of consulting her doctor and went on with her routinary activity but the discharge didn’t stop.
She wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital when she submitted herself for check-up. It was too late when they learned that the fetus she was carrying had suffered from asphyxia, the lack of oxygen in the brain brought about by profuse fluid leakage during that crucial weeklong discharge.
There wasn’t any option but for an immediate force delivery to save the baby and at six months of pregnancy, Marissa underwent a Caesarian operation on December 10, 2003 in Ridgewood, New Jersey. A frail baby of merely less than 2 lbs. and measuring 21 inches in length was prematurely delivered but it was more than enough to compensate for their frantic curiosity and harrowing dilemma.
And suddenly, all the grandiosity of enthusiasm and excitement faded away and slipped into oblivion… completely lost…after hearing the deafening truth. Shocked by the pervasive reality that their baby was in such pitiful condition, they could only hope for the best.
“We’re just thankful that he’s alive after my wife has suffered a lot,” was all that Ariel could initially say. “We’ve learned to accept our fate and enjoy the muted bliss brought about by this blessing.”
Their incessant anguish and anxiety didn’t end there. The baby’s feeble health and threatening condition required for a 3-month intubation period to fully develop the vital organs of his body and constantly regulate body temperature and later, after 3 months, the ill-fated newborn was christened Jaden Ace Tiu Aggabao.
Physically, Jaden looked normal but sans the usual baby cooing…just merely snorting. He underwent a series of tests, brain scan, and a number of laboratory procedures while slowly realizing his undetermined medical condition which was later on ruled out as cerebral palsy, an abnormality of motor function as a result of brain lesions that are non-progressive and does not produce ongoing degeneration of the brain.
Jaden’s inability to perceive sensations, depth perceptions and communication ability and at times characterized by spasticity becomes evident when he reached the developmental stage at 61⁄2 to 9 months and is starting to mobilize, where preferential use of limbs, asymmetry, or gross motor developmental delay is seen.
When Jaden was a toddler, Ariel had difficulty sitting him sans support due to an irregular posture and floppy body. He was put to daycare during his first trimester and a stay-in nanny was employed when he turned 1 ½ years old ‘til four.
Noticeably, the fragile baby loved to be cuddled kangaroo-style. “He just loved the soothing warm feeling emanating from a human body…maybe, trying to overcome his birth trauma,” Ariel said.
A whole team of medical professionals took turns in Jaden’s rehabilitation. Aside from his pediatrician, he was assigned occupational and physical therapists, speech therapist, ophthalmologist, otolaryngologist, dentist, and occasional rehab medic as needed. Jaden also undergoes a special therapy session using the Cuevas-Medek Exercises (CME), a modern approach to provoke automatic motor responses in motor delay and the stimulation of standing and positional control.
Jaden regularly attends the Children’s Therapy Center in Midland Park, NJ serviced by a private school bus provided by the government. Ariel’s free time finds him driving Jaden to school that offers them extended bonding time aside from spending it lengthily at home and the playground.
Tragedy struck twice in Ariel’s life. After bearing the consequence of a premature birth with disability came an unforeseen emotional anguish…their marital divorce settlement. It was a mutual decision following unbearable tension and mounting physical and mental exhaustion.
“I’ll be lying when I say I haven’t questioned God’s will…why on us…? I cannot simply comprehend whether this is a curse or karma but I’m not complaining. Maybe, this is the role I was made to play and I know I have a mission to accomplish,” was Ariel’s pronouncement when queried about his deplorably indomitable situation. “But after seeing other disabled kids in his school, I still feel blessed. How could I complain when there are a lot more who are even far worse than Jaden…and considering that even normal kids are problems to their parents.”
“With regard to our separation, maybe, this best works for both of us….at least we could shower Jaden with love in our own unique way,” he added.
Now ten and at 125 lbs, Jaden appears normal and healthy if not for his being tied to a wheelchair for easy mobility and transport accessibility. Although at times lackadaisical and snarky with frenzied spontaneity, Jaden’s changing condition endears him even more to Ariel.
Though not actually a stay-home dad, Ariel, at times, is still routinely confronted with stigma due to the flouting of the social norms surrounding masculine behavior but he’s not at all affected.  He had been prepared to be in the scrutiny of the public’s unforgiving gaze after having mustered a tremendous amount of keen determination motivated by fatherly devotion.
“I’m a father to my son and no amount of standard or rule can impede or diminish my concern for my kid. I have no wish but only the best for him,” he said.
On Father’s Day, Ariel plans to take Jaden to a carousel ride which he loves so much, then maybe, swimming since he loves to wade in the water, buy him stuff toy that he could squeeze and cuddle, and have dinner of his favorite nuggets and French fries.
“Father’s Day or not, it’s always an exceptional day of bonding between me and Jaden. And if there’s but one wish I could have,  that would be to wake up one morning with a fully rehabilitated son by my side…and that would definitely be another answered prayer!,” Ariel said.
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