One day, someone dear to you is going to get her heart broken. I dread it because she’ll be in such pain and I’ll be powerless to ease it. Everyone goes through this. It is inevitable, unless you never really care about another person and I don’t wish that for anyone.
You think of streets she cannot walk down, songs she can’t bear to hear, TV and movie shows that will cause her pain to watch. It is brutal. She’ll feel like she’s going to die without him. But really, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? To confuse happiness with being with one particular person?
Frequently, when hearts are broken, obsession takes over — giving in to the avoidance of feeling something else. All these are part of being alive. There is no painless existence. What she’ll need is to have the strength, to cope with what makes her feel hopeless and alone.
Yet, despite all her efforts, her faith and trust have been shattered; the severing of this important and emotional bond makes her feel that she can’t live without her lost love.
It is said that love loss is akin to heroin withdrawal — involving intense craving and agitation for the love she’ll be missing…her ache, throb and yearning for that loved one to return. All these cause wrenching pain.
She can only wait for the feelings to change, to move, to evolve.
Feelings are amazing things. They are fluid and in constant motion, which requires attention, if not validity. Because if you don’t, they get stuck and show up in all sorts of weird ways, with consequences that can be emotionally devastating, scary and unpleasant as the feeling maybe. It is not just going to go away.
Life is confusing. Feelings are ambiguous and mutable. You love him, you hate her, you’re happy, you’re sad and everything in between. We’re told that being able to hold and tolerate contradicting feelings and ideas in our hearts and heads is the only trick in life. As you pay attention, you’ll realize that answers keep changing.
These changes are sometimes seen in the most amazing fun shows, to watch and savor. You see and experience great things out there as perfect distractions: music, art, culture, nature,love and friendship and humanity.
So, whether you’re suffering from a recent loss or from a lingering past wound, accept that there is no pill to cure the heartache of rejection.
Abandonment acts like a quicksand, miring you in feelings of worthlessness and despair. But it doesn’t make you a victim of underserving love. You are humbled for the moment perhaps, but you were never vanquished.
You simply must go on to build new concept of self, increasing your capacity to find new interest and new love — perhaps on a deeper and richer level than before. You could also practice kindness.
There is a ripple effect to kindness that you’ll never know or see, but it exists. It cascades from one person to another — there is no downside to it.
Yes, there is life after abandonment — full rich, intense life. You can rebuild but you will have to work to get there.
Happiness is a choice.
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E-mail Mylah at [email protected]
