In time for Valentine’s Day, the Asian Journal asked a few couples how they found their significant others online & how they’ve made the relationships last.
First impressions aren’t always important
Pat Bolognese and Arleah Baingan-Bolognese
Met through: Filipinofinder.com in 2005
Courtship: Chatted on and off for a year, then regularly for another year.
Dated for seven years before getting married.
Married: April 14, 2014 in Orchard Park, NY
Son: Zavi was born on April 3, 2015 in Buffalo, NY
First time meeting:
P: “We first met in 2007. Not much changed the first time we met but the second time was when things really exploded.”
A: “He told me he liked me right away. I thought he was a nice guy.”
Challenges in their relationship:
A: “There were many challenges to this kind of set-up (long distance relationship). Physical togetherness is very different from just seeing each other on-cam. Second, there is an issue of trust. You really don’t know what your partner is doing. He/she can say one thing and do another. It is difficult to verify a person’s claims when you are so far from each other and your means of communication is mostly online. I missed going out on ‘real’ dates. I get paranoid at time when he wasn’t online on our usual chat schedule.”
P: “Some of the challenges are that things can be misunderstood…There are also times that outside things like traffic or weather, that affect timing (like if you were supposed to chat at a certain time but the MRT was late or traffic was heavy and one was late. I wouldn’t know anything about a MRT breakdown and Arleah would not know about a traffic problem here so one may think something is wrong). Also, not being able to actually go on dates is very difficult.”
Advice for those who want to try online dating:
A: “Online dating is not for everyone. I might suggest it to my friends who are open-minded, those who are not afraid to take chances, because it is a very challenging set-up. If you are the clingy or jealous type, like you want your boyfriend/partner to report his/her every move, this may not be for you. There are so many people online who are just out there to have fun and take advantage of those who are gullible enough. Also, it is easier to lie when you’re online. It’s important to get to know each other, take your time and check their background. It’s a personal decision.
“Finding, keeping and staying happy with ‘the one’ is probably life’s biggest adventure. If there’s opportunity to meet and get to know new people, try it and take advantage. Give it time. Do your research. Trust your instinct. Ask a lot of questions.”
P: “ You can only date online if you are patient and understanding and accepting that things don’t always happen as they are planned. It is difficult but not impossible. I would tell someone that wants to date online that they should talk to someone that has when they have issues. I would never tell someone not to. I would tell them to just take it slow and to be careful. There are many men that just want to have fun and many women that just want money. If you take it slow, you will be able to tell if the other person is serious.”
Chris Bledsoe and Malou Liwanag-Bledsoe
Met through: Yahoo Messenger in November 2007
Courtship: No actual courtship. Friends on and off for a year.
Married: February 5, 2010 in Redwood City, CA
First impression about each other:
Malou: “It was a little weird. He just popped out of my Yahoo Messenger and said hi. He seemed nice so I chatted with him. We were online friends off and on for a year. I wasn’t looking to date anyone. But my mom thought he looked like a ‘gangster’ (laughs).”
Chris: “I don’t know how I found her online (or I forgot). She seemed nice, she just moved to the US and she was still adjusting to the culture and missed her friends. I told her to give it some time.”
First time meeting:
M: “The first meeting we planned didn’t push through so we set up another one. We refused to call it a date and saw it as a friendly meeting. Just as he promised, he hugged me. He was very sweet.”
C: “She was cute and small. I thought she was really funny. I picked her up at her apartment. We went to the beach, walked around, talked about the Philippines and Spongebob Squarepants and got sandwiches at a local deli. There were no expectations of romance or putting on your best clothes—it was just a simple but really nice day.
Challenges in their relationship:
C: “After the first date we knew we wanted to see each other again. I lived on the other side of the Bay that time and had crazy work hours. Also, both of us were going through some personal matters that needed to be dealt with.”
M: “We tried to see as much as we can and just as he said, there were personal matters in our respective lives that we needed to fix. Another thing was I was avoiding the stigma of having met someone online and how other people viewed it (I have a friend who does online dating, and tries to ask money from men). Also, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stay in the US after my work visa expires.”
Advice for those who want to try online dating:
C: “Again, don’t expect romance right away—or at all. Start with being friends, because it’ll help you know the person on the other side better. It is not for everyone.”
M: “I’ve never really dated online, and I don’t know if I would consider ours as one. I keep calling our story as ‘no expectations,’ because that’s how it was, really. Also, be cautious and careful. Chances are, you’ll come across some sleazy person who only wants either money or naked pictures of you. Stalkerish it may seem, try to do some research on the person—that’s what Facebook and Google are for.”
