Hitting your child: Tough love or child abuse?

ONE of things that frustrates many Filipinos raising small kids in America is the thought that we cannot spank our kids to discipline them — the way we were disciplined growing up in the Philippines.
Many Pinoy parents grew up with the belief, “Mabuti na yung may kinatatakutan ang bata,” so that kids will be good, know their boundaries, and respect and follow parental authority.
Yet, as the old adage goes, “spare the rod and spoil the child.” What stops many Fil-Am parents is the possibility that if they spank the kids, they may be reported to the police by their neighbors, their kids’ teachers, or even by the kids themselves.
This is exactly the predicament of National Football League Minnesota Vikings Player Adrian Peterson. He used a wooden switch (patpat) to spank his four-year old son. Unfortunately, this left cuts and welts (latay) on the boy’s legs. Because of this, Peterson now faces charges of child abuse and has been deactivated from playing football in the NFL due to pressure from the public and advertisers.
This latest controversy involving the use of corporal punishment just reinforces what many of us have always been thinking: Bawal ang mamalo sa America.
When I did my research on this, I was surprised to find out that this is in fact not true.
According to a TIME article by Denver Nicks, hitting your child is LEGAL in ALL 50 states. However, it is important to note that “states differ widely about what is precisely allowed.”
Examples of state laws were mentioned in the article, such as Delaware, where parents are not allowed to hit a child. However in Oklahoma, there is no specific prohibition. In that state, the law permits a parent to hit a child with a switch, as long as the parent uses only “ordinary force,” the report added.
Arizona and Alabama allow the use of “reasonable and appropriate physical force,” but the operational definition of “reasonable and appropriate” depends on existing case laws and the judges’ interpretation. In Louisiana, spanking is permitted, however, the law there allows “reasonable discipline”  that does not “seriously endanger” the child’s health.
The report further states that in Texas, corporal punishment is deemed to be child abuse “when it results to substantial harm to a child,” which means leaving a mark like bleeding or bruising. In Maine, says spanking is legal “if it results ‘in no more than transient discomfort or minor temporary marks.’” On the other hand, Georgia prohibits any “physical injury” but does not elaborate on the books what is classified as injury.
In other words, as Nicks writes, much of the interpretation of the law in any state is “subject to the discretion of judges and prosectors.”
Meantime, those who are against corporal punishment like Deb Sandek, program director with the Center for Effective Discipline, argued that “not without evidence, corporal punishment of any kind causes psychological trauma in children and should be banned entirely.”
“There are effective discipline strategies that teach children right from wrong,” she told TIME. “Why not go in a more proactive strategy and help children learn to problem solve and handle conflict without aggression?”
When NFL player Adrian Anderson issued a public apology, he said he was not a child abuser. He contended that he was just disciplining his kid in the way that he was disciplined himself by his mom when he was growing up. He stressed that this was done out of love for his son.
Many Filipino parents, especially those who were raised in the Philippines, could relate to this. Many of us, at one time or another, had been spanked by our parents with bare hands, rulers, sticks, or belts. Some of us were even made to kneel on rock salt or monggo beans with our arms stretched out and books on our hands (nakadipa). We were hurt, we cried, but we understood it was meant to teach us a lesson, And we did not complain because most of our peers experienced the same thing in one form or another.
This question then begs an honest answer: Is hitting your child a sign of tough love and a form of effective discipline style, or is it child abuse? 

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Gel Santos Relos is the anchor of TFC’s “Balitang America.” Views and opinions expressed by the author in this column are are solely those of the author and not of Asian Journal and ABS-CBN-TFC. For comments, go to www.TheFil-AmPerspective.com, https://www.facebook.com/Gel.Santos.Relos