PICTURES and videos of friends in costumes partying and kids trick or treating on Halloween flood my newsfeed on social media. I must admit, my husband and I never got to own this American Halloween tradition, never decorated our home to look spooky, and never went to Halloween parties in costume.
Yes, for the sake of our children, we would buy candies to give away to other kids trick or treating, and dressed up our kids for them to trick or treat themselves in the neighborhood, but we personally were never excited about Halloween.
Just last weekend we were video calling with our two grandkids who are five and four years old now living in Missouri, and they asked us what costumes my husband and I would be wearing. They were disappointed to hear from us that we did not have any costumes.
“How can you have Halloween without costumes?” they lamented, and said how they wish they could go trick or treating with their “big family” — code words that mean Lolo and Lola included. My husband’s heart melted and responded to our apos’ wish: “ Yes someday we will join you!”
You have to forgive us, though, if we sound KJ ( kill joy) or boring because of this, but you have to understand where we are coming from.
Like many of you, we also grew up in the Philippines. We moved to America when we were in our late 30s with two teenagers and two young kids in tow. We were so stubbornly set in our ways and traditions especially during this time of the year.
To us, October 31 brings back memories of going to Cementerio del Norte in Manila with our family and extended families when we were kids to clean, paint the “nicho,” and bring flowers and candles to the grave of our family members who have already died. This was in preparation for All Saints’ Day.
November 1 would be the day for our big families to gather together for a reunion in the sementeryo (cemetary) for a big reunion. We would bring a lot of food and drinks, a sound system, guitar, playing cards, board games, and old family photo albums. We would also buy our family favorite flower — chicharong bulaklak — so sinfully crispy and delicious freshly fried from the row of lechon stores in La Loma, near the entrada of North Cemetery.
All Saints’ Day was a whole day family affair. We would start it with prayers and rosary, then all day eating, storytelling about our memories with our family members who have died, honoring their memory. So much laughter, teasing, and family stories immortalized as they were passed from one generation to the next.
Living far away from the Motherland makes us miss these family bonding moments. It also saddens us to think our children do not have these opportunities to be close to and get to know our big families just like we did.
Haaay, I know… I hear you… We are now living in a different world. While we will always cherish our family traditions from decades ago back in the Philippines, we need to embrace our new reality.
My husband and I are first in our families to immigrate to the United States. We are now building the foundation of a new chapter in our family history which starts with us. Our family is growing. After our children came our two beautiful grandkids. We will be blessed with many more apos who will be the third generation of our family to be American citizens.
Okay, so what costumes should my husband and I get when we go trick or treating with our apos Azshara and Thorin in the future? *Wink, wink*
* * *
Gel Santos Relos has been in news, talk, public service and educational broadcasting since 1989 with ABS-CBN and is now serving the Filipino audience using different platforms, including digital broadcasting, and print, and is working on a new public service program for the community. You may contact her through email at [email protected], or send her a message via Facebook at Facebook.com/Gel.Santos.Relos.
