IN my previous column, I wrote about three lessons learned when trying to please everybody.
We covered how doing so can affect your reputation, can cause disappointment, and doesn’t guarantee that you won’t be rejected again.
Lesson No. 4: In the same manner, never expect nor demand from people to reciprocate your kindness. They might not meet up to your expectations even if you have done so much for them.
“I please people to make my life easy. Whatever endeavor I am in, if I please people, I will get what I want in the terms and conditions that are favorable to me. They will all be loyal to me.” Indeed a statement but not necessarily a fact.
Pleasing people to make things easy doesn’t guarantee a 100 percent payback. Betrayal abounds, even if good has been sown. A lot of people have been skinned and burned alive by the very people whom they have pleased and served.
Joanne owns a food manufacturing company. Supportive and generous, Joanne contributes to causes, organizations and private entities. She sends her food products to media people for a chance to be promoted.
One day an opportunity opened up and she was introduced to an ex-politician cum civic leader we will hide by the name of Julia who seemed to be very nice and accommodating. Julia offered to promote her products when she holds talks and seminars if Joanne can regularly send some food products on a regular basis to her office. And Joanne took that invitation not knowing it will lead to something else.
Joanne felt Julia was so nice and treated her as a friend. Wherever Julia went, Joanne was there assisting her like a nanny, attending to her needs. When Julia needed to go somewhere and didn’t have a car to use, Joanne would come to her aid and became her driver. In short, Joanne slaved herself just to please this personality. A company president and a businesswoman swallowing her pride just to have that much-needed exposure for her products?
Her friendship and loyalty were further tested to the hilt when Joanne even defended Julia from rumors and intrigues. Joanne gathered all information that could possibly be harmful and informed Julia to be wary or careful. Instead of being grateful, Julia even divulged to her detractors that it was Joanne who provided her the negative feedback amidst her emotional outburst during a confrontation. Instead of protecting the well-meaning Joanne, she revealed how she was able to get such information.
And yet, stupid as it may seem, Joanne did not mind that unfortunate situation. She still remained a loyal friend of Julia.
As the days passed by, more favors were exchanged but Joanne had more to give than receive. Yet she did not mind sharing it with a so-called friend. Joanne would now give an allowance on a monthly basis for Julia to carry her products wherever she goes. Illegal as it may seem, Julia made it appear to Joanne that the said “loot” was divided amongst a lot of people other than her. And yet, Joanne continued to be kind to her.
Joanne’s generosity caught the attention of several other media personalities and politicians attracting the said people to patronize her products. Her circle grew larger and her exposure became more frequent.
Julia noticed this and started to spread rumors that Joanne uses people to promote her products. Joanne felt slighted. She told herself, “How can I be a user when they ask me something tangible too? Why can’t Julia be happy if other people are starting to help me, too?”
It is a simple case of giving a hand yet people want your whole arm. Greed is insatiable. Julia only wanted Joanne to concentrate on her and give more.
Sometimes it is better to use the usual channels in promoting products. Relationships camouflaged as friendships can be deceiving. Joanne fell into the hands of someone very much adept at using people for personal gain. Feeling betrayed, Joanne vowed to herself that no more fanatical friendships, no more giving too much of herself, no more blind trusting, and no more pleasing others.
When Joanne tried to play hero and warned Julia of people stabbing her back and then later betrayed by revealing it came from her, wasn’t it a betrayal to the highest form? No amount of pleasing Julia prevented it from happening. Joanne was at the losing end then.
Lesson No. 5: You cannot expect loyalty from everyone. Some people cannot simply be loyal. They want to have their cake and eat it too just to preserve or survive in this world. Pleasing everyone and extending too much of yourself and resources make you open to more betrayals. You may be loyal as a dog, but others cannot simply be. Some just need something tangible out of your friendship and that is a painful fact.
Be your true self. Be a true person full of compassion yet not putting on a mask just to please others. Try to be different and non-conforming. Try not to be “too embracing” of everything that you aim to gain everyone’s friendship that you lose yourself amidst the pretense and effort to be what you are not. Being true and real to people takes a lot of courage to face realities.
We need not please everyone to gain friendship. It is much better to have a few good ones than a multitude of hypocrites and advantage takers. You don’t need to dance too much to their music just to be accepted and patronized. Just be who you really are.
In our everyday lives, we have different roles to assume. We become a parent, a sibling, a child, a subordinate, a friend and an acquaintance to other people. Express your true self and not pretend you can never get mad at people who take advantage of you.
Being different or outspoken opens a whole wide world of possibilities. Yes, others may persecute you. Some may think you are way above your head or even too radical. Others may feel you are a smart aleck trying to outsmart them. Don’t be afraid of what they think so long as you keep your intentions clear and pure. So long as you do it with humility and wisdom. Having expressions is not wrong, but the manner of how we express ourselves matters.
Speaking your mind during meetings in the office. Express what you truly feel even if you know that your boss or supervisor has a different opinion or direction. If you truly believe in your ideas, go for it! Don’t try to please everyone in that boardroom by licking their *ss! Say what is exactly on your mind. Each one is entitled to his or her opinion and observation. If there is a violent reaction, there is definitely some mystery. Anger is trying to cover up something. Smile and try to be gentle with your expression. If people would be objective enough, the truth will be acknowledged and given a shot.
Learn to say no. Don’t ever try to accommodate even if you cannot handle the situation anymore. Know your limitations and boundaries.
It is impossible to please everyone. Great people like Pope John Paul II, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King & Mahatma Gandhi have the greatest numbers of detractors. Jesus himself was persecuted for preaching what he believes in and he never tried to please everyone.
So, it is wrong to assume that when you try to please everyone, you will have no enemies. Just the same, you will have people who will not see things the way you do. So why try to please everyone? Be kind to yourself … have respect for yourself.
Do what you think is right. After all, science, religion and philosophy had always agreed that “for every action, everything you sow, there is a reaping or reaction”. Let the heavens bestow what they deserve. Be kind, too, with your words and actions. And most of all, never deceive people by camouflaging your intentions.
We can always hide our true selves from others but we can never hide from God. What matters at the end is that you please God by doing what is right! It is between you and Him in the end anyway!
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Stargazer is a life coach, aura reader, psychic/clairvoyant, and lecturer on the paranormal. She uses the aura, energies & vibrations as focal points of her psychic readings. Using several techniques involving the psychological, spiritual, paranormal and her own experience of the intricacies of life, Stargazer makes one get in touch with his inner and understand life in a positive manner. Faith in God and belief in self is what Stargazer emphasizes on. Currently, Stargazer is a radio anchor of DZMM Teleradyo, the radio arm of ABS-CBN. Her show “Pinoy Vibes” has been airing every Sunday morning since Sept. 2007. She can be reached at [email protected]. For more information, please visit http://stargazer.ph/.
