IN the past, the epitome of the Filipina lola has been painted as an old woman in a rocking chair, gray hair in a bun (pusod), wearing eye glasses, a bit on the heavier side, holding a rosary and praying.
Although loved and appreciated for doting on her grandchildren, the Filipina lola has been deemed as the paragon of religiosity and virtues, who has made sure her children and apos are raised in strict conservative Filipino values.
In extended Filipino families with both the dad and mom working, the stay-at-home lola has taken the role of disciplinarian-in-charge. In the olden days in the Philippines, she would unapologetically impose corporal punishment.
But that seems eons ago, especially for grandmothers here in the United States. Times have changed, and so do the Filipina lolas.
This has been so glaringly true in the Filipina lolas that I met during the Queen Lola Pageant 2013, which I had the privilege of emceeing last October 19 at the Carpenter Performing Arts Theater in Long Beach, California with Erick Esteban. This was produced by Mildred Deang and Atty. Norberto Reyes for Insider Productions, directed by Ted Benito.
Ten lolas, with ages ranging from 54 to 75, vied for the crown of Queen Lola 2013, competing in talent, interview, evening gown, and Filipiniana portions. Their beauty and grace even in their senior years radiated as they walked like queens during the pageant.
The most memorable for me that really spoke volumes about the psyche of the Filipina lola were the talent and interview competitions. These illustrated how many things have changed in the Pinay lola, while there are those that remain the same.
During the talent portion, the candidates exuded confidence as they demonstrated the quintessential Filipina talent in music, dancing, and even acting. But the most popular and winner in the talent competition was Lilia Lao, the 70-year-old lola from Polomolok, South Cotabato. She sounded and looked like the famous Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao – it turned out she is the aunt of our Pambansang Kamao Manny Pacquiao.
The performance that won the approval of the judges and the admiration of the audience was Lola Lilia’s multi-faceted act that combined drama monologue, declamation, and Visayan song – all original creation of Lola Lilia, based on her real life. In fact, I had to give a “prologue” to the performance for the audiences’ better understanding and appreciation of the act.
It turned out Lola Lilia was a single mother, who was forced to marry a man she hardly even know just because of a kiss. This man turned out to be an irresponsible husband and family man, jobless most of the time, who would repeatedly leave them and come back.
Lola Lilia’s husband finally left her and their eight children for good, only to attempt to come back when the kids graduated from school — all through Lilia’s hard work. But Lilia did not take him back, and had made a statement that he did not need a man to raise her children and grandchildren.
To this day, Lilia said she has been happy and fulfilled and would not settle for an irresponsible and abusive man just for the sake of conforming to societal pressure of keeping the family intact. All her children grew up to be productive and grounded adults.
Despite taking on the role of being both mother and father to her eight children, Lola Lilia even had the opportunity to serve her hometown before coming to the United States. She said she takes pride in her hometown Polomolok in winning the “cleanest and greenest town” for three consecutive years, during her tenure as “purok president..
During the interview portion, I heard very interesting answers from these amazing lolas, that we would rarely hear from grandparents decades ago.
When asked what aspect of Filipino tradition she would not make her apo follow, one lola said it is the “Filipino time” because it is so counterproductive and a demonstration of the lack of respect for the time of other people.
When in the past marrying somebody from another another race, color, or religion was taboo in Philippine society, these modern day lola were more accepting and inclusive, if their responses were to be our gauge.
One lola even cited her own successful marriage as an example. She was a protestant who converted to Catholicism to marry her husband.
If her apo would come to her and seek her advice about marrying a man from different race or culture, one lola said she would tell her grandchild to study about her fiancee’s culture, and make her fiancee learn more about the Filipino culture so that they would truly understand each other better and be guided as how to live together blissfully despite their differences.
On the question of having a homosexual grandkid, the lola answered that she would still love and accept him/her totally and unconditionally.
Another lola was asked what she would say to her granddaughter who would be a teenage mom. She said she would still love and support her apo, and advise her to keep the baby, and work doubly hard if she would have to be both mom and day to this baby.
The newly crowned Queen Lola 2013 was 71-year-old Susie Rose. Lola Susie gave a very straightforward answer when she was asked if she believes divorce should be legalized in the Philippines.
Citing her own personal experience, Lola Susie said yes. She explained that it is better to recognize there was a marriage, and that marriages sometimes fail, just like what happened to her parents when she was a baby.
In contrast to marriage annulment [which declares that marriage never happened even if it did], or live-in relationships whereby couples do not get married because of fear of disengaging and having to go through the hassles of annulment in the Philippines, lola Susie said allowing divorce for failed marriages helps the kids maintain their legitimacy, thereby legally granting to them all the rights and privileges accorded to all legitimate children.
Lola Susie wowed and inspired the judges and the audience with her grace and her commitment to good health and fitness. At 71, she still dances, joins the marathon, goes to the gym for crossfit training, and can bench press 150-200 lb. weight!
Susie Rose also donned a beautiful Maria Clara inspired terno that she herself designed and sew, costing her only $70 for materials. The cut was age appropriate and in her first walk crowned as Queen Lola 2013, Lola Susie was so natural yet regal like a queen. She won both the Best in Filipiniana and Best in Evening Gown special awards.
Lola Susie exuded confidence and warmth at the same time. Her smile was radiant and her eyes twinkled like a young woman, despite her gray hair.
At the end of the fun and inspiring evening, I myself feel inspired to see how the Filipina lolas of today have grown with the times in terms of their outlook in life and have been proud of their accomplishments outside the home. They also have been more comfortable celebrating their beauty and grace despite their age.
And I am even happier to realize that despite these changes, the Filipina lola remains the same in her core, cognizant of the most important role in her life — to be the best mother and grandmother to her family, to pass on the filipino values, culture, and family history to the next generation, to keep the family together through her example of love, faith, respect, and the sense of gratitude.
Yes, lolas are never too old to rock!
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Gel Santos Relos is the anchor of TFC’s “Balitang America.” Views and opinions expressed by the author in this column are are solely those of the author and not of Asian Journal and ABS-CBN-TFC. For comments, go to www.TheFil-AmPerspective.com, https://www.facebook.com/Gel.Santos.Relos
