IN the past edition of this column, I shared with you some important information to help you understand teen depression and guide you in doing your best so that the heartbreaking loss of the Molina Family in New York (whose 12-year old daughter took her own life after being bullied in school and online) may, hopefully, not happen to your family.
Many kababayans ask me about adult depression, which they say is even more prevalent these days when a lot of people lose their jobs, their homes, their marriages, even custody of their children.
Unlike teenagers, adult members of our family are no longer under our legal authority. This makes helping them deal with depression even more challenging and complicated.
But what can we do under these circumstances, when it is our spouse, adult children, or even elderly parents who may be going through depression? How do we lift them up from the pits and help prevent them from committing suicide?
Let me share with you information as presented by my source (HelpGuide.org), a website that was created to help prevent suicide.
According to the World Health Organization, approximately one million people die each year from suicide. Given the fact that human beings are endowed with life instinct, what drives so many individuals to take their own lives?
HelpGuide.org explains: Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation, a suicidal person can’t see any way of finding relief except through death.
But despite their desire for the pain to stop, most suicidal people are deeply conflicted about ending their own lives. They wish there was an alternative to committing suicide, but they just can’t see one, according to HelpGuide.org.
Suicide warning signs in adults
Talking about suicide – Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as “I wish I hadn’t been born,” “If I see you again…,” and “I’d be better off dead.”
Seeking out lethal means – Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.
Preoccupation with death – Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death.
No hope for the future – Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped (“There’s no way out”). Belief that things will never get better or change.
Self-loathing, self-hatred – Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden (“Everyone would be better off without me”).
Getting affairs in order – Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members.
Saying goodbye – Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seen again.
Withdrawing from others – Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone.
Losing interest in day-to-day activities, neglecting his or her appearance, and showing big changes in eating or sleeping habits.
Self-destructive behavior – Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks as if they have a “death wish.”
Sudden sense of calm – A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the person has made a decision to commit suicide.
How do we help prevent suicide in adults?
This is a tough call and may be so emotionally draining, especially if the person depressed is a member of our family. What can we do?
HelpGuide.org presents the following tips:
– If you spot the warning signs of suicide in someone you care about, you may wonder if it’s a good idea to say anything. But anyone who talks about suicide or shows other warning signs needs immediate help—the sooner the better.
– Talking to a friend or family member about their suicidal thoughts and feelings can be extremely difficult for anyone. But if you’re unsure whether someone is suicidal, the best way to find out is to ask.
You can’t make a person suicidal by showing that you care. In fact, giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express his or her feelings can provide relief from loneliness and pent-up negative feelings, and may prevent a suicide attempt.
Ways to start a conversation about suicide:
I have been feeling concerned about you lately.
Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.
I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately.
Questions you can ask:
When did you begin feeling like this?
Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?
How can I best support you right now?
Have you thought about getting help?
What you can say that helps:
You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.
You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute — whatever you can manage.
What NOT to do when talking to a suicidal person
– Argue with the suicidal person. Avoid saying things like: “You have so much to live for,” “Your suicide will hurt your family,” or “Look on the bright side.”
– Act shocked, lecture on the value of life, or say that suicide is wrong.
– Promise confidentiality. Refuse to be sworn to secrecy. A life is at stake and you may need to speak to a mental health professional in order to keep the suicidal person safe. If you promise to keep your discussions secret, you may have to break your word.
– Offer ways to fix their problems, or give advice, or make them feel like they have to justify their suicidal feelings. It is not about how bad the problem is, but how badly it’s hurting your friend or loved one.
If a friend or family member tells you that he or she is thinking about death or suicide, it’s important to evaluate the immediate danger the person is in.
If a suicide attempt seems imminent, call a local crisis center, dial 911, or take the person to an emergency room. Remove guns, drugs, knives, and other potentially lethal objects from the vicinity but do NOT, under any circumstances, leave a suicidal person alone.
HelpGuide.org emphasizes that the best way to help is by offering an empathetic, listening ear. Let your loved one know that he or she is not alone and that you care.
Don’t take responsibility, however, for making your loved one well. You can offer support, but you can’t get better for a suicidal person. He or she has to make a personal commitment to recovery.
(Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK. To find a suicide helpline outside the US, visit http://www.befrienders.org/directory)
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Gel Santos Relos is the anchor of TFC’s “Balitang America.” Views and opinions expressed by the author in this column are are solely those of the author and not of Asian Journal and ABS-CBN-TFC. For comments, go to www.TheFil-AmPerspective.com, https://www.facebook.com/Gel.Santos.Relos
