September is Suicide Prevention Month, and I want to share a part of my story that I once wanted to keep hidden.
Grief does not always look like grief. Someone can appear to be living fully—traveling, smiling and collecting extraordinary experiences—while privately struggling to keep going.
When my marriage of 24 years ended, my world as I knew it fell apart. Along with the heartbreak came debt, uncertainty and a future I no longer recognized. I slipped into a darkness so deep that I began struggling with suicidal thoughts.
When all I had left was my faith, I asked God to rebuild my life. But first, I ran.
I traveled to escape the noise, the work and the pain because, at the time, it felt like the prescription that might take away my misery.
For several seasons, it helped. Every mountain I climbed, desert I crossed and unfamiliar place I explored reminded me that beauty still existed—even when I could no longer see it in my own future. Travel gave my overwhelmed heart room to breathe and helped carry me through my grief.
But eventually, I learned that although distance could offer relief, it could not do the deeper work of healing for me. Lasting healing began when I stopped concealing my pain and allowed faith, honesty and support to become part of my recovery.
There is healing in transparency. Revealing our pain can be far more freeing than concealing the story we never wanted anyone to know.
Financial distress can also affect far more than a bank account. Debt, divorce, job loss and housing uncertainty can touch our identity, security and hope. Behind the numbers, people may be carrying rejection, grief, fear or shame that no spreadsheet can reveal.
Looking back, I can see how God took me to places I could never have reached on my own—literally, figuratively and spiritually. He met me in the desert, steadied me on the mountains and reminded me through every sunrise that darkness does not last forever.
I asked God to rebuild my life.
First, He rebuilt me.
I could not have imagined then that God would use those very wounds to shape the work and ministry through which I now help others restore more than their finances—their hope, confidence and belief that life can be rebuilt.
I share this not for sympathy, but because someone reading these words may be quietly carrying more than anyone knows.
If you are in a place of darkness, please tell someone. Seeking professional help is not weakness or a failure of faith. God’s help may reach us through a trusted friend, pastor, doctor or crisis professional.
What you feel today is not the end of your story. There is hope beyond what you can see right now.
Please stay long enough to discover it.
If you are in the United States and need emotional support, call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org to speak with a trained counselor.
