It’s the “love” month. But not everyone will receive a bouquet of roses or a new video game or some gift in between. And while others who are mending broken hearts are surprised to hear from their lover, others are hurt even more to find out that their ex has indeed moved on.
Here are some things to do when you find out your ex has moved on.
1. Resist the urge to confront him/her – You find out your ex with another girl/guy. You’re furious! You can’t erase the thought running through your head… that he/she is building new memories with another girl/guy and you know that just a few months ago, you held that place.
I’m telling you right now, as much as you would like to come up to your ex and ask him/her how in the world was he able to move on so quickly, you’d best just erase that thought from your head and just let it go. It isn’t worth another round of pain. What you want to do is completely cut the cord. Accept the fact that he/she is never coming back to you.
2. Be good with pain – Anger, hurt and other emotions will definitely set in when you first hear the news that your ex is now happy with another. It’s okay to feel pain. As a matter of fact, welcome it! You need to feel this. It needs to wake you up.
3. Focus on yourself – Chances are, he/she was the one who left you so you’re probably still in love with him/her. And it probably feels like hell to find out that reconciliation isn’t remotely on his/her mind because he/she is now with another woman/man. Instead of focusing on what your ex is doing with a new relationship, channel that energy and focus on yourself.
4. Ignore your anxiety – Your friends may have given you false hope that your ex will one day wake up and realize that dumping you was a wrong decision. And you’ve been convinced that it’s just a matter of time before he/she comes back knocking at your door, begging you to take him/her back. Instead, you find out that he/she is never coming back and now you’re anxious. Your whole world just crumbled! But wait! Who said he/she is never coming back? And who said that his/her new relationship will last forever? While there is life, there is hope. I know it’s pretty “slim” to even hope but hang on to it nonetheless. It’s better than getting sick because of an anxiety attack!
5. Do not stalk - I know you’re curious and want to find out if the new guy/girl is hotter than you. I know that you’re interested in finding out more info about him/her, about them. STOP! Don’t do it! Instead, live your life! I know it’s easier said than done. But nothing is worse than looking at your ex’s social media account and stalking him/her there. Or even doing a stake in front of his house to see what time he/she will arrive/leave his/her apartment.
6. Write down reasons why your ex is not worth it – Instead of focusing on what was good about him/her list down what’s worse about him/her. If he/she doesn’t bathe everyday, write it down! Farts a lot… write it down! Snores too loud… write it down! You know what I mean. Write down everything negative about this guy/girl. Turn yourself off!
7. Find diversion – Oooohhh… it’ll stab you when no one else is around… the thought of your ex and his/her new squeeze… OUCH! Our mind is like that. It likes to remember. What you need is a diversion. What to do when the thought of your ex moving on flashes in your head is very important to helping you get over what needs to be done. Diversions could be listening to music, calling up a friend, watching TV…anything to keep your mind busy.
If you’re in this place right now, I feel for you. We probably have been dumped at one point in our lives. As if that didn’t hurt. But nothing is more painful than knowing that the person you loved has actually moved on after dumping you.
And although it will take time, tears, hurt and energy before you learn to smile again, you must immediately learn to forgive yourself and learn to love yourself again.
Paco Arespacochaga is the drummer/songwriter of the band INTRoVOYS (www.introvoys.com) and the host of the Internet show, Paco In the House ( www.pacointhehouse.com). You may send feedback to firstname.lastname@example.org