Asian Journal- The Filipino-American Community Newspaper

AFTER days of rain around the Bay Area, the sun finally came out that day.

But this piece is not really about the weather, it is actually about love, marriage and relationships. The weather is just an analogy of sorts on what relationships could go through —there’ll be sunshine, but a storm can also spoil it, depending on how two people can survive through it.

A week before, it was hard to determine how this article would go as I am not exactly the best person to write about how to make a marriage work (for reasons I will not explain further). But my parents were married for more than 25 years, and saw them go through all the good and bad times—until my father died.

So we asked, talked and listened to couples who have been —and still are—going through the rollercoaster ride of being married, to share their stories. And just like being on the ride, I could say that it was a bit scary—yet interesting.

You give – but also take

"It’s give and take—you have to find time," says Jossie Alegre, when asked how she and husband Mark, were able to make it work. Aside from managing and operating family businesses, both are active members of the Filipino-American community and officers of the Philippine American Press Club (PAPC). Jossie was also the first Filipina Commissioner in Oakland.

Theirs is an amusing love story, stuff that one would think would only happen in movies. They were classmates in college at the Far Eastern University (FEU) in Manila, and it was their first relationship. They decided to get married "secretly" in 1963 but tied the knot officially in 1964. Now married 45 years, Mark and Jossie are still very much in love with each other.

It was clear from just how they talk about their relationship— Jossie, still giddy as a schoolgirl when she remembers funny and important events in their past, with her husband Mark smiling and adding his thoughts. She went through lunch excitedly telling stories about getting married out of the blue, not being ready but staying together in spite of the hurdles they had to go through.

Having this two-way deal seem to be the same factor for Vic and Amor Barba’s 34-year marriage. They wrote, "Give and take is what made our relationship work. And never go to sleep with unsettled arguments."

Angel and Cecile Sebastian, married for 41 years, sent us a touching note that perfectly described how it worked for them. They said, "We had our smiles, we had our laughs, we’ve even had some tears, we’ve had some luck, good and bad. But always, the best thing of all is that we’ve had each other. Forty-one years of love, hardship, trials in life, but we survived it."

C is for putting God in the Center and Communicating with each other

Communication—I’ve heard it before, a lot of times really. Being able to openly and understand each other is one of the foundations of a good marriage. Singer JoAnne Lorenzana and husband Brant Blower shared what they think the three ingredients that make their relationship strong, "Communication, a constantly deepening friendship nurtured by mutual support and trust." This is also probably what made them weather a long-distance relationship, which lasted for two-and-a-half years prior to getting married.

Rizaldy and Shirley Castro of Pittsburg believes that the secret is also "patience and having God in the center of their lives."

Jossie shares that aside from having sharing common interests, is that their love for their family is what kept their marriage strong. "The family is the basic unit, and we want to be role models to our children and grandchildren."

Mark agrees, but stressed on one important factor—having a relationship with God. Ngayon, ang sikreto naman ng marriage, alam naman natin lahat that it has its ups and downs," he said and then added, (But) When God is a part of your life, you submit to a higher Being. Which is good."

Lastly, maybe what really kept my interest going during lunch was how Jossie describes their relationship today and how they try to keep romance alive. "Parang, we treat each other like (kasi matagal na nga), parang bago kayo palagi, parang mag-boyfriend pa lang kayo," says Jossie Alegre and added, "Lumalabas pa rin kami, nag-ho-hotel pa rin kami (laughs). You have to try those things you know."

And for two people who have remained in love for 45 years (and will still be for the next years)—I’ll believe that.

( www.asianjournal.com )

( Published on February 13, 2009 in SF Magazine p. 2 )